*papers, please theme plays* BUH, BUH, BUH, BUH *WAPOOSH* Top of the morning to ya laddies! My name is Jacksepticeye, and welcome to “Papers, Please!” Next, please! Move it along! Hello, little lady! :3 😉 Look at your little head! *discrepancy detected* Your weight is different. Did you take a poop before you got here? Uh, we’re gonna have a “DENIED,” and we’re gonna have a reason, and we’re gonna say get the fuck out of my line. AH BA BYE! I can do all this shit now! *Le Jack messes around with Le buttons* *Oh hello Sam!* Matching. Matching. Matching. *robotic accent* all, numbers matching. So good. *vibrate* Feels good! *Russian Jackaboy* I fought in Kolechia for 5 years. If you think this is bad, In Arstotzka, it is 10 times worse than Kolechia. *weird fairground like music playing and screams* I do not blame them for coming here. – Anyways you are doing well, keep it up.
-Thanks, bro! Brofist! *insert middle finger joke here* …He brofisted me before he left. You couldn’t see it because it’s all pixelated. Everybody go home, I have to go back to my wife and kids! (jack thats my house :/) Everybody gets medicine, everybody gets heat and food, Oh, it’s like fuckin’ KRIZZITY CHRISTMAS UP IN HERE! Oh, god.. Good morning, Inspector. *Inspector Jackaboy* I just have a few questions for you. Ok…. I’m scared Have you seen anything like THIS?! *NOT SAM* AHH! FUCK! NO! Uh, NO! *eye twitch* DETAINEEED!! Hello, little potato man. Oh, you’re the one that always causes trouble. You’ve, like, fake tickets, don’tcha? See? He’s like, “I wanna get in,” but he doesn’t even have any fucking documents. WHOA! What happened?! No! Get back! He tried to jump the border, you can’t do that! You have to go through the checkpoint– DUDE!! NO! *guns firing* He got shot! *explosion* NO! *Raining potatoes* Potato bro… You were always my favorite! (RIP Little Potato Man 2013 – 2016) buh buh buh GLORY TO ARSTOTZKA, GREATEST COUNTRY MAKE US PROOOOUUUUDDDDD